I have left on my app:
peanut butter
eng muffin
veg burger
2 fruits

blah idk if I'm gonna make it cause I'm huge

I completely have a double chin. I'm gonna suck if up and do 21 df again.

ok...how bad is this:
starbs reduced sand-250
starbs bacon sand-350
2 clementine-150
2 starburst-100
2 granola bar -300
1pkg dumplings -500
1 pkg green beans
1 lettuce with -45 cal dress
4 cheese rf prov-300

hi pls add

if it works
if it works I'll take it again.
if not it is Not worth it.

Ok I have to vent to people who actually know what I'm talking about trigger warning you have been warned. names changed to avoid deletion. back in the throes of my early days I was using ephdra which was of course successful but I think they laced that with way too much caffeine or maybe that's really how stimulant it was. taken off market save for low doses for truckers etc. anyhow fast forward to the oxyelitist, interesting effects: focus, decrease in hunger, eerie calm. almost like if I had a problem in the world, which at the time there were many, I would take one and overwhelming calm would ensue. I wasn't stupid I took only one and no caffeine. then through misinformed reports that "fell off market." around that time I purchased another bottle of what at the time I thought was the same old Pro. and I didn't lose weight anymore AND--I had this intense cramping in my legs at night. dehydration? just not in the same place I was when I took it before? Karma? NO!!!! I found out today-- they had taken out my ingredient and replaced it with an ingredient LINKED TO LIVER FAILURE omg I had no idea. ANYWAY I do plan on hitting the sibmit button on a new order of what I think is the equivalent of the original. just wanted to say how happy and hopeful I am about this discovery and I await my new pills especially because lately I have been feeling so low and I'd rather be in my dull calm happy mellow place.

got kind o f light headed driving and realized what a carb cut this diet is. so I ha 9g carbs and 2 waters and feel way better. I'm sure I'm over my calories but I really don't care I want to stick with this, need to stick with this, and if I get scared I won't.
on to two days of work tomorrow so I'm sure I will be too distracted to spend my day revolved around food.
I get my erin condren planner Friday and I can't wait to get home from work and scribble down my life.
it will feel like my old self just in time for being 30. 😀

day 1
of 21df
I feel my body is hungry but damn it has a lot of work to do. we will see how tomorrow feels.
my parents want to take me out to eat so I'll have to stick to my categories
also this weekend is my bday so I usually eat like shit so let's hope 21df fits in because..
I NEED this.
my skinny friend is doing it and that got me inspired. she's gonna burn me the DVD but honestly.. I'm so tired with eating this amount.. I can't imagine working out.
I remember vigorous workouts on a measly protein bar and..
I am really feeling my milestone age of 30.

burned more but ate more too and I'm up .5 FML.
edit: just reweight after poop lost 1lb wtf. the scale is going to kill me.
HW 139
LW 106
CW 135.5
gw1 134
gw2 132
gw3 130
gw4 129
gw5 127
gw6 124 (2014)
gw7 120
ugw 114 (2012)

the death of Ana
back in my day, Ana was one click away. a good friend who in times of feast or famine could be easily found in the black and white lines of a computer screen in a web- that used to be world wide- and used to tangle. who could also be found in that dot com? people behind the text, young girls like me, "buddies," sad people to go through the muddy waters of life with if you could call it living.
and yes feeling nostalgic lately I turned to my old trusty web to find I am 10 years too late.
sure, occasionally someone went too far, or went too big, got too popular, influenced too many, put too much investment in- occasional broken links occurred but just as fast new links to Ana would pop up. but what censorship has done in the latter part of the 2000s to "free" webpages and "free"blogs is devestation- they took down the WHOLE DAMN HOUSE and with it the walls.
the web used to be wide and free and safe and forever. girls needed to be warned that what went on the web was forever. now trolling has been taken to a whole new level and suddenly I am left wondering:where have all of us gone.
back when xanga was a thing, people would come on and write "xanga is beat" and "find me on tumblr (also beat now)" and it seems girls have crawled out of this shared dear diary phase perhaps in lieu of something instant. but I won't even begin to find pro pages on FB or wherever else people have migrated and here's why- it's just not me. I'm a thinker. I'm a muller. I like words and permanency and I like free worldwide webs. It saddens me to some extent that my little world is gone on the web when it so very really still exists in my head. and I suppose that is generational- 10 years ago I was a girl without an iPhone. I fatalistically met my ex 10 years ago. I was not as sick 10 years ago, and that is why I am 10 years too late. but I am feeling unwell and well, it has always been my dark dark world where secrets and lies are expressed and shared only with people who can understand them and not judge them. it was a different time but I am still me and I am still here.


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