- the death of Ana
- April 22nd, 2016
back in my day, Ana was one click away. a good friend who in times of feast or famine could be easily found in the black and white lines of a computer screen in a web- that used to be world wide- and used to tangle. who could also be found in that dot com? people behind the text, young girls like me, "buddies," sad people to go through the muddy waters of life with if you could call it living.
and yes feeling nostalgic lately I turned to my old trusty web to find I am 10 years too late.
sure, occasionally someone went too far, or went too big, got too popular, influenced too many, put too much investment in- occasional broken links occurred but just as fast new links to Ana would pop up. but what censorship has done in the latter part of the 2000s to "free" webpages and "free"blogs is devestation- they took down the WHOLE DAMN HOUSE and with it the walls.
the web used to be wide and free and safe and forever. girls needed to be warned that what went on the web was forever. now trolling has been taken to a whole new level and suddenly I am left wondering:where have all of us gone.
back when xanga was a thing, people would come on and write "xanga is beat" and "find me on tumblr (also beat now)" and it seems girls have crawled out of this shared dear diary phase perhaps in lieu of something instant. but I won't even begin to find pro pages on FB or wherever else people have migrated and here's why- it's just not me. I'm a thinker. I'm a muller. I like words and permanency and I like free worldwide webs. It saddens me to some extent that my little world is gone on the web when it so very really still exists in my head. and I suppose that is generational- 10 years ago I was a girl without an iPhone. I fatalistically met my ex 10 years ago. I was not as sick 10 years ago, and that is why I am 10 years too late. but I am feeling unwell and well, it has always been my dark dark world where secrets and lies are expressed and shared only with people who can understand them and not judge them. it was a different time but I am still me and I am still here.